How I had to face my fear of speaking in front of people and my overthinking and how I enjoyed our time in Greece

25.7.2023 - 4.8.2023

I was with my family in Zakynthos is Greece. At first, I was telling my parents that I will not go with them and enjoy my alone time at home. Last year we were in Korfu and there were jellyfish. There weren't that many of them but I saw two right the first day, so then I was stressing and checking the water all the time while swimming. I didn’t want to stress again, so that’s why I didn’t want to go this year.

But when I heard that we’re talking about Zakynthos, I changed my mind. We were there in 2021 and it was a really beautiful vacation. And changing my mind and going was a key decision. This vacation brought me a lot of memories.

On the 26th of July after dinner when I was sitting by the pool with my dad, two of the Alexandria animators (Denča and Honza) were passing by and stopped to wish me happy name day. It was a really beautiful wish and it made me really happy. As we were leaving with dad to the beach, Denča asked me, if I’m going to take part in their evening program (women vs. men). “Well I don’t know about that,” I answered laughing.

Then, dad was taking photos of me at the beach during sunset. I was still filled with good happy energy. It was a nice feeling. ☀️

At 21:00 started the evening program. I was scared, so I went to the toilet, so that they choose someone else. When I came back, the first round had already started. It was pantomime. One of the people who took part in the first round was my friend Sofča. I wanted to go in the next round maybe but the stress was stopping me.

In the second round, people had blindfold and they had to pour water from cup to cup in the shortest possible time. I was telling myself: ‘This looks really okay, I could do that.’ I was scared to go because I didn’t know what would be next and if I want to do that.

When they were searching for new people for the third game, Denča noticed me and said: “Anička will go! Come on!” At that moment, I was already kind of determined to go and this gave me the chance and strenght to go. I went to sit there and made a ‘I’m scared of what’s coming’ face at Denča. When we all sat there, 4 women and 4 men, the animators said that this game will be playing skits. My mind was like: ‘Oh fuck.’ But I laught and was ready to face my fears. Luckily, I didn’t have to play by myself, we always played in our group (of 4 women). During music we improvised three non-talking 30 seconds long scenes of these topics: crazy wedding, men in the garage and tattoo studio. Crazy wedding was fun. During men in garage I was showing muscles and looking at myself in invisible mirror and body building, because my instant association with men in garage was Greased lightnin’ from Grease. Tattoo studio was weird because I didn’t know what to do so I just did something for the 30 seconds.

When it ended, I was really proud of myself. I was so happy. 🩷 The animators wishing me gave me strenght and I did it!! I wanted to hug Denča. I was joking with myself that this vacation will teach me to get rid of all my fears.

Last year, when there were dances in the evening, I was scared to go dancing the first day, because people could watch me and judge me. I remember I cried the first evening because I wanted to dance and have fun so bad but I was afraid and didn’t go. But I danced the next days. This year I danced every time I could and I was enjoying it. I sometimes even took part in the sports and games during day.

The last day when my friend Sofča was there, she talked me into playing volleyball (it was one of the sports during day). ‘A year ago me’ would never. Thanks to school and my overthinking I don’t really like group sports and am stressing during them more than enjoying them. But I wanted to spend some more time with Sofča.
And if was fine. We played the easier version of volleyball. There was this one girl who told me that I was doing it wrong, but I didn’t let her get me down. Sofča and I then stayed there for adults game because we were enjoying it. It was just us two and then men. This was volleyball with all the rules. That was hard. I was bad at it from the start but they were nice to me and I felt supported. Lond story short, I survived.

In the last days I noticed the fear again a little, for example I didn’t want to go and play petanque, because I was bad at it the last time, but I still see the progress I made and I’m proud of it. I enjoyed our time in Zakynthos and made a lot of happy memories. ☀️🌊💖